Not Alone
by MountainHive
Summary: My husband is not himself anymore; he seldom touches Youchi or even looks at him. And every day, his words torture me: "This is your fault! I wasn't supposed to marry you. We shouldn't be together!"
1. Chapter 1

**Not Alone  
**_by Mountain Hive  
-This is based by a true story I read in the newspaper and I found it touching. Originality doesn't belong to me. I simply edit the grammar and that's it.  
_

My husband is not himself anymore; he seldom touches Youchi or even looks at him. And every day, his words torture me: "This is your fault! I wasn't supposed to marry you. We shouldn't be together!"

* * *

**June 2009**

What makes a woman perfectly happy? Tying a knot with her loved one and having a baby? Of course! That's how I feel now. Natsume is perfect, from head to toe. He's rich and everything that a girl wants. I'm lucky! Marrying him makes me feel complete.

I touch my belly; it's almost six months now and baby is moving. I always communicate with him.

"Hello mummy's boy. How are you?" I ask.

Natsume wants a boy and when the scan confirmed that, he was ecstatic.

The door opens and I turn.

"Hey, how are you?" Natsume says, hugging me from behind. He just got back from the office.

"I'm fine."

"How's our baby?" he asks, touching my bump.

"Why not ask him yourself?"

Natsume kneels before me and puts his ear on my belly.

"Hello, baby. Daddy's here. Hello…." He laughs and I joined in.

* * *

**September 2009**

I deliver on the day the doctors calculated. Natsume says the baby looks like him. He's been holding him all day. I smiled even though I still feel weak and tired. He gives Youchi to me to be breastfeed. That's the name chosen by Natsume's father; it means smart and cute.

I don't know about names but as long as Natsume is happy, I'm fine. As I look down at Youchi, I cannot believe the seed of our love is in my arms.

"Yes darling, he looks exactly like you," I say as tears roll down my cheeks.

* * *

**January 2010**

We attend a music-garten class in town as we have been told that the programme is very good for babies and new parents. It stimulates baby's brain cells through music while nurturing the bond between parents and child.

Throughout the thirty minutes, Natsume sat next to me, watching Youchi smile and laugh. It looks like he's enjoying the session. Seeing both of them happy is the perfect moment for me.

* * *

**February 2010**

Madam Anna at the music centre notices that Youchi does not respond like the other kids, especially when his name is being called. Natsume and I have not been aware of this. She suggests we take him for a checkup.

We've seen_ four_ different doctors but we're not satisfied with their diagnosis. They say Youchi is deaf and mute.

Natsume is badly affected by the news. He blames me for what had happened, saying that I must have a genetic defect. He says his family has perfect genes, so it must be my side. I asked my parents if we have anyone with genetic problems and they say, "No!"

My husband is not himself anymore; he seldom touches Youchi or even looks at him. And every day, his words torture me: "This is your fault! I wasn't supposed to marry you. We shouldn't be together!"

He slammed the door in the middle of the night and leaves the house. I hear Youchi crying in the next room. I pull out a blanket and wrapped it around him. I tried to calm him down by singing some songs, and tapping to it, like how Natsume and I did at the music-garten. When I gazed into his innocent eyes, I wonder if he can understand me.

* * *

**July 2010**

For two weeks now, Natsume has not been home. Every time I give him a call, he either hangs up or switches off his mobile. I lie back in bed with the radio on - loud. I know Youchi is sleeping, but who cares. He's deaf. Suddenly, a song came out on air and one phrase of the lyrics seems to speak to me: 'What's wrong? You're tired? Where is our promised happiness?"

I reached for a pillow, cover my ears and sob. I miss Natsume dearly.

* * *

**August 2010**

Youchi tries to take a few steps but keeps falling down. Natsume comes home after a month of avoiding us, but not for good. He is packing all his stuff. As Youchi plays on his mat, I sit quietly a distance away. I feel bad for him.

Natsume comes down the stairs and stands in front of me. "I have signed my part of the papers. After you're done, just pass them to my lawyer. He will settle everything on my behalf."

He puts an envelope on the table, picks up his bags and walks towards the door. I closed my eyes; I dare not watch him walk away from me and out of my life. I knew this was coming sooner or later.

As I hear the door close, I open my eyes and burst into tears.

I'm all alone now. This is not my perfect ending, I cry and cry…

Suddenly, I felt someone touching me. I turned and there is Youchi, tapping my back and holding his blanket. I am surprised that he can understand what I'm going through. Then, it just hits me – I am not alone!


	2. Chapter 2

Due to popular demand, here is Natsume's Point of View of the story. Don't hate him, people. There's always a reason behind every deed. I understand that most of you wanted me to kill him or _something like that, anyway_. ENJOY!

I enjoyed writing this with the help of Winter Sonata's theme: **From The Beginning Until Now **by Ryu.

* * *

It is when you know you've betrayed the one you love, and then you feel as though you need her more than anything else.

After what seems like six years, not having her beside me – let's just say, it made me feel empty inside. I was angry, yes at how my son had turned out but was it her fault? Was it right to put every blame onto my now no-longer wife? I would probably make it to the kind of guy that doesn't take care of his own family but instead, run away from his responsibility and the harsh reality.

I was mad when I found out Youchi was deaf and mute. I couldn't accept that. I wanted a perfect family. A man in love with his beautiful wife and both their love together produce another beautiful being. Was it a lot to ask for? Well, in truth, it does seem impossible to achieve considering my position now. I lost my wife because I couldn't accept the reality of our child. I lost the one I had loved for so many years and now, there is no turning back time.

I should never have lashed out at her regarding the disability of our son. I should never have said that it was her family that caused the disability. It hurt her, I knew that, but my ego was way too big and too huge to bear that I had to put the blame on someone and it only made sense when the blame was put upon her. Everything passed so fast after that – I wasn't thinking straight. I got to the lawyer to request for a divorce, breaking ties with both my love and our son.

When I got home after a month of avoiding the both of them, meaning to hand over the divorce contract and to take my leave from the house for good - _forever_, I saw her there, sitting with Youchi on a mat while he played with his toys. Her face devoid from real happiness but instead a fake smile was plastered on her lips so her son wouldn't feel sad. It had been proven before that kids can sense emotions the strongest. I thought to myself then, would I be happy if I was there playing with them on the mat like a happy family? The answer then was – _no_.

I felt no warmth or love for my wife when I saw her sad face then. I knew it was my fault that she was feeling that way. I didn't want an apology, I didn't want sympathy but all I wanted was to have my son have his voice and for him to be able to hear! But soon, I found living without her was painful. After I left the house, I rented an apartment near my working place. Going back to an empty apartment and only greeted by silence was painful. _I wanted my wife back_. There was no warm body to sleep beside me every night and to greet me with a kiss early in the morning. Nobody to wait for me as I return from work, and no one to embrace me after a tired day at work and to have a happy meal with him. '_You don't realize how much somebody means to you until they're gone_'.

I went back to the house after six months only to find the house empty with nobody living there any longer. The gate was rusted, long grass full of weeds, wilted flowers, dirty pond and a home for pest. When I went into the house, I found that the door was left unlock and the key that belonged to my wife was left at the basket where we would usually put our house keys. Our pictures still lay there on the tables – dusty, and I knew then that my wife had left the house with our child. Left her memory of me, left her memory of us, it saddens me.

I was afraid to step into our bedroom, afraid that she might still be in the house, but it saddens me more to be greeted by nothing but dust. The bed looks as though it was never touched, the makeup kit she used to use was left there and the clothes and other apparels I got for her while we were together were left in the cupboard. Everything that would remind her of our relationship – she left it alone in the house which she abandoned. Might as well have burned the house down, I thought to myself.

Our son would be seven this year, but all these years, I had never wished him Happy Birthday nor have I ever bought him a gift like a father should. I didn't know what he likes and what he doesn't. I don't know where he's schooling and who his friends are. I don't even know where he's living with his mother. It was as if, I was never his father in the first place but some stranger that is somehow related to him by blood. _It hurts_. Did his wife feel this way when he left her?

Reminiscing this now is futile. Nothing can change the past. I could only hope for a better future. But why does God want to play with me? Why did He show me this sight right in front of my eyes: My wife one hand clasped around a small child - our son - and the other holding onto the hand of another man in a loving gesture? Could it be that she had found another man to replace me in her heart? Was it too late for me to earn back her love? Is six years, really _that _long?

* * *

_MountainHive_


End file.
